The Distractors’ Cut: Heirs 14

We don’t have long to go but it feels as if the “real” story has just begun… I’ve never been one to desire more episodes from a show, especially one that show isn’t that good to begin with— but Heirs is somehow such an odd experience, whereby, though logically it would never benefit from more than 20 episodes, it’s at a place in it’s narrative where there’s little chance at this point that everything we desire to see or need to know will be covered by the end of the series.

Therefore, I suppose this is a juncture where you determine to trust the creator and their vision, which for me usually isn’t an issue. The only problem is—- I’ve also seen Lovers in Paris, Secret Garden and A Gentlemen’s Dignity.

Unnichan: Girl I wasn’t ready for this rage from Tan!!

Ekun: Don’t hurt yourself Young-do! Noona can’t have that! Tan! That is lick 4!!! Ugh! Violence is not the answer! You grabbing chairs?!

Unnichan: This is too deep for me girl. I can’t. I don’t know if we can call this attitude of Young-do’s defeatist or what but I agree that Tan’s solution is cute but not permanent.

Ekun: Young-do, boo, this is one of the sad convo’s we needs to have in life. This is not Tan’s fault– and honestly it is not your fault. Your mom is a bad mom for rolling on you without saying a word. I am serious… F Tan and Eun-sang… this show is about Tan and Young-do’s bromance!

Unnichan: Ha! Perhaps, that is a show I’d like to see. But I’m not sure I’d say she was bad Mom cause we don’t know what was up with she and Dukes but I’m never ok with a mother rolling on her kid.

Ekun: Tan saying great stuff again. Love this kid– love Young-do more. Rachel! Ugh! Can I kick her A**!

Unnichan: Girl you know it! Rachel, why are you asking questions you don’t want the answers to?

Ekun: Oh Young-do, you wanted to see Tan ah?!

Unnichan: I know that’s right Young-do. I love when he speaks truth.

Ekun: There are those parallels…. Young-do is a sensei of thought…

Unnichan: OMG! I can’t with TAN!

Ekun: They are Eun-sang they are!!!!!

Unnichan: Oh Bo-na and Chan-young are too much. He’s too cute. He knows he wanted to laugh. Min-hyuk is having too much fun in this role.

Ekun: Tan!!! Keep them damn clothes on!

Unnichan: LOL! I needed a high school boyfriend like Tan/Young-do. Striptease threats and all.

Ekun: He got that Whip Appeal gene like Daddy Yoon! It must be hereditary….

Unnichan: HA! It better be. Makes me wanna sing again. Shin-hye and this beautiful hair… Seriously!

Ekun: Ye-seol….. *Sigh*

Unnichan: Young-do! Don’t do that Eun-sang! Don’t girl. I know but don’t.

Ekun: She’s concerned about him Unnichan! (like we all are)

Unnichan: Of course but she needs to put that bandaid back. Aw, you still here? Youngdo… I can’t. But at least he’s learning.

Ekun: Bo-na is mad cool! Love her crazy tail! I can Young-do… I got snacks and liquor and treats *wink wink* *kiss*

Unnichan: I’ma let that kiss pass cause of that silly with Eun-sang. Um… can we stop seeing Momma Tan, please?

Ekun: Where is Momma Rae? Ugh Momma Tan!!! LTE Speed?! Girl Bye! Rachel the F-ety F!?

Unnichan: Mom has on my color. She has taste. I knew I loved her.

Ekun: Heh.

Unnichan: Momma Tan is a gullible *censored*

Ekun: She is… Rachel is the Devil! Look at her face? You can see the lies and judgment on her face while she’s talking!

Unnichan: I’m weary with Rachel. I can’t even be mad right now. I just want her to stop. Why doesn’t she listen to anyone?

Ekun: Momma Tan? Fence straddlers fall and die. Direct quote from Ekun.

Unnichan: She stole this girl’s uniform!

Ekun: Yes, she a trollop in rare form today! Ugh! *censored*

Unnichan: Eun-sang should fight her for real! I just can’t. Just go at it. It won’t solve anything but it will make me feel better.

Ekun: Right! Throw them blows and pull that barbie doll hair!

Unnichan: I shave heads. But this time I could find her at night and slit her throat. That’s how over her I am.

Ekun: B**** does it hurt!? Rachel SHUT UP!

Unnichan: AW YEAUH EUN SANG!!!

Ekun: Did she just slap her! HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Unnichan: I know that’s right! EUNSANG GET IT!!!!

Ekun: Is that a wig on Rachel’s head? It looks a mess today…

Unnichan: Naw, it’s the cut. That blunt bang really gets tired after awhile. Ugh, how can she be this crazy at 18? I could understand if she was older and Tan was really her boyfriend or partner but she’s too young for this lunacy.

Ekun: She a vindictive wench!

Unnichan: I know Tan. Rachel who cares if you’re hurt, does that make sense for you to say out of your mouth?

Ekun: She thinks she is justified because she is Rachel… Hated it!

Unnichan: Exactly boo. *sigh* What do you even say to all this?

Ekun: Tan should have hit her… I would have been like, “well…”

Unnichan: Wait, is that the show I want to see? Them (Tan and Eun-sang) bouncing and hitting the road?

Ekun: No. ‘Cause it doesn’t involve Young-do and I don’t care about Heirs without him.. Doom Dada!

Unnichan: Young-do could be incorporated like he’s tracking them down with his yakuza connections…

Ekun: Only if it was Tan and Young-do running away to have a bromance…

Unnichan: Who’s going to write 100 page letters of apology? The HECK? All I have to say is “Sorry.”

Ekun: Those young bucks can easily write 100 pages on being sorry or feeling sorry or how each other is sorry. Well one is 98th and the other is 100th; this could take awhile.

Unnichan: Hehehe. Look, I couldn’t write anything either. I mean my “Sorry” was just a courtesy ‘cause I’m a kid and that’s what’s expected but other than that, I’m spent. All I could say is “It happened. I did. It is what it is.” You know I’m no good at apologies.

Ekun: If they are not sorry or apologetic (which we know they are) then they can leave that paper blank and bring Daddy Dukes and Hyung… Scary as heck that conference will be!

Unnichan: Ok, so you both were wrong. Oh Hyun-joo their issue is so deep, yet so shallow they are the only ones that can fix it, girl.

Ekun: Selah…. Heh.

Unnichan: OMG! The school heard you Bo-na!

Ekun: Well it was about time. See how that Yoon Whip Appeal Do!?

Unnichan: Are you hearing music none of us hear Hyo-shin? Oh no, Hyo-shinah!

Ekun: Hyo-shin… you got further away… Oh no. You are so sad boo. *kiss*

Unnichan: You giving away alot of kisses today….Myung-soo has it right. And wrong. It’s both.

Ekun: Young-do? You want a hug. Why are you so morbid boo?

Unnichan: OMG! Young-do… that mind… That expression. I can’t. You don’t need to be alone with anyone. EVER!

Ekun: You don’t have to die and make me go cray cray over you.

Unnichan: Ok so it’s a mess how well she knows Tan. But then again he is pretty transparent.

Ekun: Yea girl, Tan and Young-do. They can’t hide anything because they live their lives in clear water.

Unnichan: Aw, Hyung couldn’t ignore him. *clears throat* Choi Jin-hyukssi, I need you out of that eggplant… STAT. I mean just change. Not nekkid. Just change so I can concentrate. Thanks. *wink*

Ekun: I love that Hyung stopped. Tan? Why didn’t you ask all the questions and say all the things you wanted to say? This was the time. Hyung was listening!

Unnichan: You having a party Bo-na? Pfft. I guess it is a celebration. I was with Eun-sang, ready for you two to patch that mess up. OMG!

Ekun: P-A-R-T- Why? Because Bo-na and Chan-young are happy together again! It made me think of Suju’s “Happy Together” girl!

Unnichan: ♫Jogeum deo gakkai sarang neowa naega…

Ekun: …jigeum idaero hangsang neoreul jikyeojoolge♫

Unnichan: ♫Ddaeroneun jichyeoseo apeugo himdeulmyeon…

Ekun: ….geujeo neon gidaemyeon dwae♫

Unnichan and Ekun: ♫Yeongweonhi happy together.♫

Ekun: Hahaha! That was the best album girl. Suju3!

Unnichan: Lol. To date! Wait… Tan swiping invites? See this is the way this show should’ve been from the start… Cute and witty with a little brood and cheekiness.

Ekun: I know right? We really could have left Cali in like one ep and did our thang in Korea.

Unnichan: Ha-neul? My eyes are burning… I wasn’t ready. And this blue…

Ekun: His momma scares me. She just wants something he cannot give. I mean, I know you want what is best– but this is unhealthy, ne?

Unnichan: I definitely think so. Shinah, are you going to ditch the test? Hyo-shin, No. But what are you supposed to do? My heart breaks for him Dongkun.

Ekun: Ara Nee-chan. He can’t ditch with all the groupie ho’s around. I was hiding behind that big sign over there… I wanted him to ditch.

Unnichan: I need this sweater Tan. Don’t touch stuff on Hyung’s desk! I’m afraid he’ll chop off your hands.

Ekun: Like that they are always wearing lettermen jackets like they play sports… If fighting each other is sport then I guess they deserve it. But Tan has some really good choices every now and again.

Unnichan: Ooh the wheels in the mind of Daddy Yoon. ASA! Hyung is pretty bomb. I love his audaciousness.

Ekun: I am scared what is going down between Daddy WonTan, Won, and Daddy Yoon… We need a board meeting stat!

Unnichan: These people and their hostages!

Ekun: Girl I can’t…

Unnichan: Well now that Momma’s nice, she really can’t just leave her in the lurch. Plus, Mom is still working, Tan. Don’t think of it as spying but more as connecting a mother with her son. Eun-sang is very sensible that way.

Ekun: Right, you right. But my disdain for Momma Tan makes me want to kick her every time I see her. I don’t care if Tan ever sees her face again, too harsh?

Unnichan: Um yea (though I hate to say it). That’s his mother. He loves that woman. Oh Tan. Seriously? With money? Now you are money hungry? It’s a little late for that and it seems you watch too many dramas. Plus, your Momma doesn’t have the funds. WonTan Ahjussi said you can’t have anything his money supplied. So… Oops.

Ekun: LOL! That is why Eun-sang got a job Tan ah, if you got one too, you guys could have shifts together!

Unnichan: I doubt Tan makes good coffee and he’s always trying to push her into supply and towel closets… Uh…Tan is just frollicking around Gangnam like it’s Plymouth Rock!

Ekun: They would not be holding hands or pulling girls into sweater if this was Plymouth Rock… That could get her a scarlet “A” on her clothes girl!

Unnichan: Kekekekke. This is a little much in public Tan. I mean, I’d enjoy it and everything but that PDA does trip some people up over your way. But it is cold, just don’t make any babies. That’s what my mom would say. Boop. Boop.

Ekun: Girl it reminds me of when we were watching Secret Garden and he was trying to adjust her bra strap and it stopped everyone’s lunch! No PDA on the street Tan ah. In private it’s your own thing… But Lord please no babies!

Unnichan: Eun-sang, I know. I know. He’s really going to run his wife insane… if he loves her, that is.

Ekun: Future Jealous Husband? Yep. That is Tan ah… Young-do would be scary too so..

Unnichan: Look I can’t even imagine Young-do, that’s level of “You are mine” I’m not ready to deal with. Pfft. Ok, so his excitement over the sight of money was too priceless. What? ‘Tis life? Tan.*Noona side eye*

Ekun: Ha! He did get a Noona side eye from me too.

Unnichan: Hmm… And so it begins…

Ekun: I don’t want to hear business between Tan ah and Daddy Yoon! I hate that Daddy WonTan is playing games with peoples lives as if he has not ruined enough *CENSORED*

Unnichan: So what does that mean? That Hyung can’t win? Tan tell me you are going to think this through and find another way.

Ekun: If he does come out with guns smoking at Won in the stupid battle (it really is stupid because Won is the oldest and legitimate heir), I know it will only be for Hyung. It better be Tan ah or else all hell is breaking loose up in here!

Unnichan: Oooh… Annyoung Young-do. Love the hair. Aigoo. He fell for her trap.

Ekun: I do like his hair, but I like it when it is slicked back too. *Blows Kiss* Dammit!

Unnichan: Kill her Young-do. I want to see her blood today, for real. Aiish why isn’t this Game of Thrones?!

Ekun: Girl! I thought he was going to really slam her on the ground or punch her! And yet again my response is, “Well…”

Unnichan: Myung-soo’s a DJ?! I knew I loved him!♫Hey DJ keep playing that song… all niiight♫

Ekun: Myung-soo? I know you got that Maroon 5, ne? ♫Yeah baby give me one more night♫! *hands in the air*

Unnichan: Yes, the Soeur del Diablo has arrived. Of course this heifer wants to out her at the party.

Ekun: Rachel? I thought you were smarter than this… This girl has strong BACKING!!! The one who made the rules and the enforcer are her boo and crush! *Slap* That’s for not being the best wench you could be!

Unnichan: COACH! You training everyone now? Ha! Um…Is Young-do gonna turn me? Will there be a Hong Gil Dong redux?

Ekun: Wait? What? Turn You? Explain Nee- Chan? I’m scared.

Unnichan: You should be, I am. Though it’s not vampire “turn.” I was just wondering if he was going to make me want Eun-sang to look his way at least once… Ugh. I wasn’t ready for that either. You don’t have money to pay for that, Tan.

Ekun: I was… I told you Tan ah is violent! Girl! He turned a table over!

Unnichan: See this is why these fools can’t work together. You making a mess, wasting product.

Ekun: I love it! Not that he did it but what it represents…

Unnichan: Do it Bo-na! At least you know who to be mad at. Let her go! This girl needs a butt whooping! Shave her head, burn her clothes and abandon her in Syria!

Ekun: I am about to kick the *censored* out of Rachel! What is her problem?!

Unnichan: These two. All I can do is sigh. They are both exasperating ‘cause neither are wrong but neither are “right.” It’s just about doing what’s best for you. Sadly, Tan just doesn’t want her to get hurt and he knows his Kingdom.

Ekun: True. That first go round with this convo I was with her, the second time I was with Tan. Though I am still with Tan because I do not believe that telling these mofo’s would make it better or make you feel better Eun-sang. I just have to throw a “Do You” out there.

Unnichan: Good. Now that’s over. I mean not really but you know.

Ekun: It ain’t ever over until she rolls or dies. Young-do ah? I will leave with you…

Unnichan: Wink at me Myung-soo ah! Wink at me! Doom dada!

Ekun: You got caught in the Doom dada! I love it! Oooh, play that too Myung-soo ah… and ♪♫ringa linga ling, ringa linga ling♫!

Unnichan: Bo-na gave out … Oh Lena! I love it! And I love Myung-soo.

Ekun: Kekekeke. *Hands in the air! waving them around like I just don’t care*

Unnichan: I’m serious… Did everyone rewatch The Best Man! Daggon you Taye Diggs!

Reactions, Ramblings and Remarks

Ekun: I guess so girl I guess so. What the heck happened to Young-do? I am scared for what is to come in the future episodes Unnichan. We have fight, after fight, battle, after fight, after uphill climb! And we only have 6 episodes to do it! I promise.. if this is one of those pretty packaged bow endings I am going to kick a cat and a fluffy puppy!

Unnichan: Honestly, I don’t think Heirs can do hearts and flowers and after you’ve kicked all the puppies by the time we get to episode 20, that won’t be a possibility either. There is still tons to do and with the way this show is going, it doesn’t feel like we have enough time to do it. Which brings us all back to the beginning that could’ve been cut down significantly. If this show was truly just about Tan and Eun-sang, I could understand but there are several other personalities and lives at work here. I’d love to say it will all make sense in the end, but I doubt that, all I can say is, hopefully it ends well.