“I’ll say I am happy now. Because this is not the terminal end of my time. So we cannot say, now is the terminal end of our happiness.”
Like I said in my previous post, characters are written to say all the things we want to say but mostly, everything that we are thinking. There are times that we feel things or experience situations and we aren’t quite sure how to express want we really want or need. At times like those, a great book or drama comes in handy to help us search our own hearts and minds to clarify our thoughts.
I’m not sure there are a plethora of female characters that have done this for me, I can only say I’ve experienced a small few. But out of those women, I chose one; a woman that was extremely introspective and genuine, yet reminded me of myself (in her thinking). She asked questions I’ve wanted to ask and thought things I’ve thought in the past. She also brought up new topics I’ve never even broached. Through her monologues, I was able to not only understand her but to think along with her, like her and about her recognizing how we related as a women learning, growing and changing. And in the end, I was rejoicing as she embraced the life she had, choosing to love it and live it well.
Yu Eun Ho (Son Ye Jin) was the main female character in the 2006 series Alone In Love and has to be a character that I respect just as much today as I did when I first met her. She wasn’t perfect or bright and shiny but she felt like a real woman living and breathing. Overall it was a wonderful drama experience from beginning to end– leads down to the secondary characters but as a woman, I was able to truly empathize with Eun Ho in a way that I honestly haven’t found in many characters before or since. The drama was an adaptation of a novel written by Japanese author, Hisashi Nozawa. [I find that I resonate more often with Japanese characters than any other, so I suppose my reaction to Eun Ho shouldn’t be too surprising.] The story explores the love and relationship of a divorced couple that still love one another but broke up to safeguard the other from heartache due to the death of their son. The drama takes you through the minds of both lead characters as they try to heal and move on without their partner.
Alone In Love lives up to it’s roots, for it’s like a novel you curl up with on an autumn evening with cider and a scone. The characters delve deep and are quick, honest and genuine in their minds, but much like all of us, hesitant, harsh and, at times, cowardly in speech. Eun Ho has several monologues throughout the drama, more than Dong Jin (Kam Woo Sung), I believe, for I think she was the one with the most struggle; the most growth. I’m just going to share a few here and most are self-explanatory so read and enjoy. Perhaps her thoughts will get you mulling on a few things as well. And I may chime in a little here and there as well.
From where does love begin? As time passes…If you’re still hurt…Will that be love? episode 7
Love definitely has a beginning but isn’t it interesting that oft times we don’t notice how great our love is until you recognize the power of pain? Hurt doesn’t equate love although pain is a love commodity. When Eun Ho asked this question, I had to ponder what I thought on the matter. When we think of the past, of people we knew and loved and our feelings are still bruised, is that love? I have to say, no, not necessarily. For I believe we all do this and our hurt feelings say more about who we are and what we think of ourselves, than what we feel or even what is true or real, especially concerning love and relationships. Eun Ho brings out something quite important because if we’re not careful, we place everything on how we “feel” and not the reality of a situation or the lesson we should learn from it.
Do you long for the childhood days when there was no sadness? The dreams and curiosity that you have already forgotten by now. And even the hopes you had for the future. From when did I start to not talk about the future? And ceased waiting again for tomorrow. When I discovered that nothing has changed from now till a year later. We are not just living but scraping by day by day. And so, adults who are going through love…Their hearts will sway, waiting for tomorrow and dreaming about the future. Falling in love is the same as the adults’ hope for the future. episode 9
There are 6.5 billion people on earth. However, God can do anything. The fates of so many people… Is it possible to know and plan for each and every one? So having unnecessary hardship is impossible. That is why…I don’t believe in fate. Even so… Sometimes, I want to. Because it’s fate. Looking back on the past… I want to say it’s like that because of fate. When I can forget there is another way… Doesn’t matter how much, just want to forget all of it. At that point, not knowing how strong fate is…As time passes, it becomes a burden. I can only say, when there is someone that messes up my whole life… I can only say, when I mess up someone else’s life… As time flows… Looking back on the obvious and important times. Might as well accept those encounters as fate. episode 10
This has to be my favorite line, though it’s terribly hard to choose. I find it so rare that a character says something that is so true down in your loins. I don’t consider myself extremely sentimental in my personal life and though I do have a very strong sense of ordination, I don’t believe that all things can be taped up and put in the “fate” box. I love the idea and the sentiment and at times I want to think that perhaps I can just hand over my consequences to someone else, but I can’t. I may not be in complete control of my destiny or purpose but it was definitely my hand that created the mess in my kitchen or the dents in my adult life. Happenstance and kismet occur in life but not to the extent that the responsibility isn’t deemed mine, if I choose immorally. Fate is magical and mystical and out of my control and to be honest, I like that but I can’t rely on it. If steps are ordered, then brilliant, but I still have to hear and know the request.
Eun Ho cops to fate because like me, there are things she can’t explain. She finds herself in situations that she didn’t create but has to maneuver through, resolve and move beyond. The effect of life tolls us and oft times, tears us, making it quite difficult to wrap our minds around the “why” or “whom.” I love this thought because no matter what you may think, or believe, there are always contradictions in your own thinking because we’re flawed, because we’re human.
Love gives pain to people. When it starts…Hope and fear come together and give people pain. After it starts…You get wounds and pains because you want to know even more about that person. When love ends… You feel hurt because you never reached that finish line together. When is the time you feel sweetly contented because of love? episode 11
Love isn’t designated to a romantic partner, which we all know, therefore this statement applies to all peoples and relationships in which we love. I consider love as more than just a heart palpitation or a burning sense of loss but as actions toward individuals we have those feelings (reactions) for. This is why I think love is painful. It hurts to give. It hurts to share. I believe it’s much easier for some than others but ultimately, it’s grinding, taxing and draining. But even so, it’s worth it, because love bears fruit. Eun Ho asks when can you be content because of love, and I say it’s only when we stop looking for love to make us content. The pain of love stretches us to be better, grow stronger and love harder, longer and with more caution, commitment and creativity.
Occasionally, I’ll get comfort from the lost moments in time. Hoping that someone’s wound, will be able to heal quietly with time. Occasionally, while we are enjoying the moments of happiness. Yearn for the time which cannot stop. Some period of time will change us. There are also those people who do not change with the passing of time. Some love will end along with the passing of time. Some love, even with the passing of time, will not arrive. We knew well that love will change. Yet we still keep beginning new relationships of love. As if time will not change people. What can cover up time are the memories towards the past. Experience with time like that. Like also eventually turn into memories. The reason to live is to leave behind memories. Although we always hope to leave beautiful memories. Time usually ignores what we want. episode 16
What a brilliant concept! What covers time is how we remember it. Not how we relate to it or solve it, but how we see our past. This rings like she is encouraging not to regret but to own your past and make peace with it. Remember it will, for your good instead of in ill will or discontent.
Although the daily life is as normal as water. But with that, just some ripples. We will miss the daily life and be grateful towards changes. Fortunes and misfortunes, they keep making appearances. It has nothing to do with our will. Our abilities are too weak.Suddenly one day, like a toy that, we become broken.When will change come? When will the end come? When we look back, we will feel empty.We cannot help but have to treasure the present moment. Whether we’re sad or happy. We live. And await on our happiness.Those painful times have passed and gone by. Times when we cannot look back without guilt has also gone by. Times when happiness is scarce has also gone by. Having gone through so much time which we cannot remember. We have traveled to today. episode 16
Revisiting Eun Ho has been like reading my own journal(although she is much more eloquent). I still have similar thoughts, perhaps more rooted and substantial, while others have changed completely. The magnificence of Eun Ho’s monologues is they stream from episode to episode, tweaking, highlighting, redefining– like life. I kept the quotes in episodic order to reflect that Eun Ho was moving and getting to know herself better, just as we were; as we are. Like Eun Ho, our thoughts are constantly evolving, some ideas are bold and burgeon, others crossed out or erased for newer clearer ones. Eun Ho takes this journey of words and wisdom that we have the privilege to be privy and I am so grateful, not only for her acknowledgement of her own joy but for myself as I kvell in mine.
Gu Ae Jung
“Because it’s a dream, I should wake up. Dokko Jin-sshi, I don’t want to feel all aflutter in my dreams. I have to live diligently with my eyes wide open.” episode 5